Believe

In no way did I follow the traditional path to teaching. My early life was riddled with domestic violence, I barely graduated high school, and my first husband was an abusive alcoholic. For many years I had no confidence or self esteem. What I did have, however, was an angel on my shoulder who kept telling me I deserved more and so did my two daughters.

I became a teacher in 2012 at the age of 41 after I married my second husband. For several years,  I tried hard to be a good stay-at-home mom, but my daily phone call to my husband always included the phrase, “Honey, I coming to town…” I would spend my days at my girls’ school until one day the principal came to me and asked if I wanted to apply for the Librarian position that would open soon. I had taught preschool for years, but this was my introduction to public school. I was the librarian for one year, K-3 Paraprofessional for three years, and a Title I Reading Paraprofessional for two years.

As my girls grew up, I watched one flourish and the other struggle in traditional classrooms. What I didn’t understand was why my ‘gifted’ child was the one struggling. I met teacher after teacher and I knew these people were not trying to understand my child. They just wanted her to do the redundant assignments she had already proven she could do. My district required strict note taking strategies in all classes, but my youngest is a kinestetic learner who is very artistic so her notes were more like sketch notes than Cornell Notes. Ultimately, she quit school and got her GED. I was heart-broke and determined to change the culture of school so I  applied to the College of Education and started my journey to becoming a teacher.

After graduation, I was lucky to find a position at a failing – yes – failing school. I was one of the first teachers hired by a spunky new principal, Tracy Davis (@tracy9535), who I had the opportunity to observe when she was teaching Reading/ELA in a different school. After my interview, the principal had me observe the fifth grade teacher, Isaac Rivas (@RIsaacRivas). He was so different from most of the teachers I knew (the don’t smile until November crew). Rivas laughed with the students and the students were genuinely happy. The room was a little chaotic, but I loved it! I knew immediately that I had found a place where I could grow into the teacher I wanted to be.

After my first year of teaching, my principal sent seven teachers (myself included)to Quantum Learning Network in Oceanside, CA. I left that life-changing training with a tribe of like-minded teachers and a hot air balloon tattoo on my left leg. The banner under the hot air balloon reads, “BELIEVE.” For the first time in my life, I truly believed in myself and my dream of becoming ‘that’ teacher for students who needed someone to believe in them no matter their current circumstances.

What most people don’t know about this Nerdy Math Teacher is that as a child, I was the kid who slipped between the cracks. I moved at least once every school year and because of this I struggled academically. My parents divorced, remarried, divorced again… My life was filled with domestic violence, my father’s mental illness, nights spent in roadside parks hiding,  and never knowing what tomorrow would bring.  When I was 17 my father murdered my mother. She had divorced him again but she was making it this time. My mother was taking college classes, working as a manager of a convenience store, and doing quite well. My dad could not bear the thought of her surviving on her own so he followed her on a date one night and shot her when she returned to her car.

My mother died in June and I started my Senior year in August. I moved three times that year and finally moved in with my boyfriend/future first husband. Most people think back on their lives and have a dreamy picture of at least one teacher who changed their life. I have a few memories of dreamy teachers but my life-changing teacher was not one of them.  Mrs. H was my Senior year English teacher. I had already switched schools twice and was close to calling it quits. Mrs. H caught me after class one day and asked me, “What would your mother think of you not graduating?” At first, I was livid – how dare she ask ME that question? Then I started thinking about what I knew my mom expected out of me. Nothing was more important to her than my sister and I finishing school. My mother expected the two of us to go to college and become independent women. My mom had even purchased my class ring, announcements, cap, and gown my Junior year. Not graduating was not an option. After I settled down over Ms. H’s question, I went back to her and found the determination to graduate so I could make Momma proud. Mrs. H went out of her way to help me graduate with my class.

It took more than a few years to get from high school graduate to Fifth-grade Math teacher and I’ve had my share of struggles. One thing I know about this journey I’m on is that my struggles are what make me the passionate teacher I am today. If I hadn’t fallen through the cracks of the education system, if my mom hadn’t died, if my daughter hadn’t gone through her struggles, I would not be the teacher who is laser focused on building relationships, creating a growth mindset, alleviating math anxiety, and meeting students where they are.

I dared to believe in me when many did not. Now, it is my duty to believe in others so much their feet will never touch the ground.